Rules for a happy life.

1. When you’ve finished paying for your petrol, just fuck off, as quickly as you can… someone else is waiting.

2. Don’t slate someone else’s music choice… Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s shit.

3. Give poetry a chance, it’s a higher form of art, it’s uplifting, and can put things into perspective.

4. If you can afford it, don’t be cheap, life’s too short.

5. Set an example, do it right even when no one is looking, karma will look after you.

6. Read…. Books are the most extreme form of escapism, and it may improve your spelling and grammar.

7. Challenge others… debate, argue, call out inconsistencies, but never forget they’re entitled to their opinions.

8. Get out of the middle fucking lane.

9. Life is a very short, one shot deal… enjoy the fuck out of it. Don’t get tied up with hate and envy.

10.  Look at the world through the eyes of others, it kills prejudice, and helps you see you’re not the centre of this universe….. we’re all just passing through.

11. Be nice, it costs nothing.

12. If you think your job is important, you need to rethink your life. If you leave tomorrow they’ll all get along fine without you. No one is indispensable.

13. For fucks sake… say please and thank you.

14. There is no such thing as race, and it’s really non of your business who someone else fucks, stop defining people by their skin colour or sexuality.

15. Have a laugh, not only is it beneficial for your health, but it stops you being a miserable cunt.

16. Hold hands with your sweetheart, it will give you an immense feeling of wellbeing.

17. Living a healthy life is admirable, but self denial can be soul destroying, eat the pie.

18. Sartorial perfection starts with outstanding shoes. You can have a killer suit or a beautiful dress, but bad shoes will make it look shit.

19. Stop taking everything so seriously, non of us are getting out alive. Its ok to say “fuck it!”

20. Start doing random acts of kindness…. It’s good for your soul, and when it happens to you, the feeling is one of utter elation.

21. Every now and then, find somewhere dark, lie on your back, and take a long look at the stars. It will help you realise how small and insignificant you and your life are. It will help you realise the importance of 9, 10, 15, 16, and 19.

22. Stay for one more drink…. All the really good stuff happens outside your comfort zone. It’s just a jump to the left….